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While not a joke but a true story you might get a larf.
Bob Catter senior told it in his retirement speech from the Oz House of Representatives. He represented the huge country electorate of Kennedy that goes from the eastern side of Qld to the NT border. He always tried to get round the electorate to meet all his constituents once a year.
Towards the end of one such trip he driving down a hill in the ruts of the one lane dirt road, when he saw a cloud of 'bull dust' in the distance indicating a car coming the other way, towards the bend at the bottom of the hill.
He thought "I'm knackered, I don't care if JC himself is driving that car, they can pull over on to the verge - I'm staying in the ruts!!"
As they passed in the bend a woman leant out of the vehicle on the verge and yelled out at him "Pig!!"
He said he just had time to yell back at her "bitch!"   when he smacked into a huge wild boar standing in the middle of the tracks.

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I know it’s not Friday but-

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,

the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
If you don't forward this you have no sense of humour.

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An Australian, and Irishman and a Scouser were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

"My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge. "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus?"

Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus." He says.

Well, the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him. "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks.

Then the Australian calls out. "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?" 

Jesus nods and says. "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

The Scouser then calls out. "Oii whack, would you be Jesus?" 

Jesus smiles and says. "Yes, I am Jesus." 

The Scouser beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of bitter for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the table.

Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches our three friends. 

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement.....

"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've had for years is gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the lager.

Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen in shock. "By jingo mate, the migraine! The migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone it's a miracle!"

Jesus then goes to approach the Scouser who says. "Back off, mate! I'm on Disability!" :P

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