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A joke to start your week


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Did you hear about the Aboriginal hunter who was invited to visit the US on an exchange trip. When he got there he was told the first outing was after Bear, he asked why what have the little Koala’s ever done to them? He was told its Grizzly, a real man’s test.

The morning arrived and blue turns up wearing one sandal and carrying his faithful boomerang. They look at him ad ask why the stick and pointed out he has lost a shoe, Blue replies “Na a stick don’t come back, and I found a shoe, a good one init!

He said I m off to find one of these bears you're on about and before anyone could stop him he ran off into the deep forest. The boys decide to go into their log cabin for a coffee and to arrange his return home in a casket.

Half an hour later they hear an almighty yell, “open the F@@@ door!!!”  across the opening comes blue running like his arse is on fire, being chased by a huge Grizzly with a bump on its head, and looking real mad. 

QUICK  OPEN THE F@@@@@@  DOOOR!!!  Just as he get to the door he steps aside and the grizzly runs past into the cabin, he then shuts the door, looks through the window and says, “While you boys skin that I’m off to get another one!

Rgds Ian

 

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Of similar ilk, told by the bus driver who took us to Yosemite.

On one of his trips they spotted a bear a fair way off, and stopped so that the passengers could have a look.

A lady passenger asked if he could open the door so she could get a long distance photo. He agreed but said don't get any closer than 200 metres otherwise he'll see you and chase. She ignored his advice and kept taking snaps and got to within 50 metres, and with a roar the bear started chasing her. She put on a fantastic burst of speed and got to within 5 metres of the bus door, with the bear a further 5 metres off, when the driver said he was forced to shut the door.

He said company policy forbad him from allowing a woman on board with a 'bare' behind.

Edited by little jim
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News:

My uncle passed this week peacefully and in his sleep::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 

Unlike the passengers in his car who screamed till the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • 1 month later...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' 

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. 

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' 

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. 

Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' 

The MP was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Alan

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1. I stepped on my scale this morning.  It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale."
 
2. You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home schooled by day drinkers.

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A man goes to see his doctor, Covering his left eye with his hand ....

The doctors ask what happened and the man said ...."you won't believe this but a ladybird poked me in the eye"

the doctor replied......"well there is a nasty bug going around "

Edited by Crawfie
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