Numpty award of Today...

[Jersey Royal]

Hi All,

 

Have you ever done this.....

 

Have been fitting some new warning leds on my overdrive logic device.

 

Fitted all connections of the car, fitted them. Thought i would try them

ignition on, in gear, flick overdrive, great they work, perfect

 

Hang on something wrong here ... cant hear the fuel pump. So out comes the multimeter

checking all connections to relay for pump, all ok. Strange must be a problem in the boot

i thought.

 

Then it dawned on me...... I still had the security device on, that incidently has been fitted

for ages.

 

Cheers

Guy

[88V8]

Have you ever done this.....

What, tried to start it while disabled? Oh yes, and not only the TR.

Also driven off with locking wheelnut key still on wheel, radiator cap off, oil filler cap off, plug leads off, plugs loose, tailgate not tied down onto overlarge load (load blew out of car at 80mph), wiper arm not tightened fell off on motorway but landed on wing phew, walked off for the day and left keys in car door, left lights on and 95% flattened battery at Revival 09.

And once drove off with star wheelbrace still on wheel. Chariots anyone?

 

Ivor

[simonjrwinter]

Blimey Ivor,

 

Maybe we should have prior knowlege of your trips so we can avoid the area!

 

Simon

[pinky]

Yea i can beat that

 

i drove of down the road without putting the wheel nuts on, drove of the drive felt the back

end move, stopped the car and it was hanging on two of the wheel studs,

 

i was real lucky i got away with that,

 

got to get the numpty award for that

 

mind you did hear a story of a very good friend of mine who had an

automatic car, he took out his electronic gates on the drive, started the car and

of it went

[Jersey Royal]

 

mind you did hear a story of a very good friend of mine who had an

automatic car, he took out his electronic gates on the drive, started the car and

of it went

 

 

Common Pink,

Get the story right.

 

The chap was working on his brake system on and off,no fluid in reservoir.

 

He was moving the car from one place to another. What he didnt realise or remember

was that the clutch was on the same system as the brakes, Italian car.

 

Having engadged gear, remaing fluid from clutch system disappears, cars moving.

No brakes as mentioned previously, no clutch car stuck in gear.

 

The result was the car having reversed into the main entrance electric gate,

damaging it, the car, and taking it off its track.

 

He was lucky they was a concrete pillar in the way.

 

Had the car gone the other way he would off gone through a timber fence

under a leylandii hedge, and dropped off a ten foot wall into the main road below.

 

 

What a Numpty he is But at least he had his wheel nuts on.

 

Cheers

Guy

Edited November 30, 2010 by Jersey Royal

[stuart]

Common Pink,

Get the story right.

 

The chap was working on his brake system on and off,no fluid in reservoir.

 

He was moving the car from one place to another. What he didnt realise or remember

was that the clutch was on the same system as the brakes, Italian car.

 

Having engadged gear, remaing fluid from clutch system disappears, cars moving.

No brakes as mentioned previously, no clutch car stuck in gear.

 

The result was the car having reversed into the main entrance electric gate,

damaging it, the car, and taking it off its track.

 

He was lucky they was a concrete pillar in the way.

 

Had the car gone the other way he would off gone through a timber fence

under a leylandii hedge, and dropped off a ten foot wall into the main road below.

 

 

What a Numpty he is But at least he had his wheel nuts on.

 

Cheers

Guy

 

Anyone we know then Guy?

Stuart.

[alanwcoote]

Evening Guy

Fat bastard here, could thease problems have anything to do with being a granpa

Patch ( refleting on the hazards of having a fish n chip shop )

[Dave I O W]

Ha Ha thats nothing!

Years ago when I worked on a farm we used to do agricultural contracting and I went

off to do some dung spreading on another farm it took me about an hour to get there

on a tractor doing about 15 miles an hour,

When I got there I looked round and found that I had forgotten the dung spreader

My excuse is were only humane

Cheers

Dave.

[pinky]

Ha Ha thats nothing!

Years ago when I worked on a farm we used to do agricultural contracting and I went

off to do some dung spreading on another farm it took me about an hour to get there

on a tractor doing about 15 miles an hour,

When I got there I looked round and found that I had forgotten the dung spreader

My excuse is were only humane

Cheers

Dave.

 

 

Nice one Dave

 

there is a little poem i learnt at school re Tractors

 

I cant read and i cant Write but that doesn't really mater

i was born on the Isle of Wight and i can drive a tractor

 

are you coming to the Christmas party this Friday

 

pink

[pfenlon]

Thankfully these didnt contain loss of life the following clip did.

 

Wind forces are so much stronger than one can imagine, the tea clippers sails were pushed by so much force, they were so fast across the Atlantic.

 

Big Blue as this accident is known as was caused by wind forces upon the load being lifted.

 

The original crane crew refused to do the lift because of wind speed, so a second crew were mustered.

 

The noise is the crane suffering mechanical failure, note the second crane in the background with 2 men in the basket observing the lift, they were both killed.

 

[Shezbo]

Hi All,

 

Have you ever done this.....

 

Have been fitting some new warning leds on my overdrive logic device.

 

Fitted all connections of the car, fitted them. Thought i would try them

ignition on, in gear, flick overdrive, great they work, perfect

 

Hang on something wrong here ... cant hear the fuel pump. So out comes the multimeter

checking all connections to relay for pump, all ok. Strange must be a problem in the boot

i thought.

 

Then it dawned on me...... I still had the security device on, that incidently has been fitted

for ages.

 

Cheers

Guy

 

Nice one Guy

 

I had an Numpty moment a few years ago, I had just bought a VW Golf GTi the new yuppy mobile - well it was 1987. After cleaning the car - I decided to hoover out the inside, however the hoover lead would not reach around and into the the hatch.

 

So with the hatchback left open I jumped in turned the car around and reversed back into the garage........f**ked up the hatchback - part of the roof and of course wrecked the door and mechanism on the garage. I had only had the thing, two days...

 

It still hurts now

[Bald Rick]

My best effort was draining the oil and putting the new oil in without putting the sump plug back. I couldn't understand why nothing was showing on the dipstick! Then, having re-fitted the sump plug and put another gallon of Duckhams in the car, starting the engine without fitting the oil filter.

 

It took ages to clean up all the oil.

 

Tony

[pinky]

My best effort was draining the oil and putting the new oil in without putting the sump plug back. I couldn't understand why nothing was showing on the dipstick! Then, having re-fitted the sump plug and put another gallon of Duckhams in the car, starting the engine without fitting the oil filter.

 

It took ages to clean up all the oil.

 

Tony

 

 

Thats good

 

tony

 

That made me laugh i can imagine you standing there

 

thinking what the f---k is going on

[Guest ntc]

Nah

Adding spacers with welding to the alloy spacers to level the cars suspension,that is beyond me

[jake_a]

What, tried to start it while disabled? Oh yes, and not only the TR.

Also driven off with locking wheelnut key still on wheel, radiator cap off.......

 

Ivor

 

 

Ah yes, did that one myself with the 6 in the middle of France about 8 years ago. This was the same trip where I had to open the gearbox up to free a siezed selector fork on the hottest day in France for 30 year, and where the top radiator hose exploded the night before we got the ferry!

 

Because I had fitted a complete set of hoses that I picked up from CTM Engineering before getting on the ferry, and because it was so hot, I was regularly checking the water level. I did so before taking the car out for a spin, placing the cap on the carb manifold as usual. I forgot to replace it before driving off and only realised that I had when I heard it bouncing along under the car and saw it fly off into a field of corn! Couldn't find it for love nor money.

 

Popped in to the tiny garage down the road and through the medium of mime managed to explain what I needed. They came back with a box of old caps (probably found in local fields!!) within which was a genuine British BL radiator cap which fitted perfectly!

 

Ps I have also pushed the TR back into the garage with the drivers door open so I could steer (despite the roof being down, doh!) with predictable consequences..........

Edited December 1, 2010 by jake_a

[Kevin Warrington]

This may be an urban myth, but I heard it first hand from a bloke who had seen it happen.

 

Picture the scene - a commercial vehicle yard on a slight slope with a large pond at the end of the field. The company has a breakdown truck that has been built from an old 1970's bus. One of the first ones to have a spring parking brake (the spring keeps the brake on when you move the little lever and the air pulls the brake off).

 

Being an old bus, there isn't much security - no ignition key and no locks to the doors. So they secure it overnight by draining the air tanks whihc also applies the brakes solidly. Its a fairly common practce with HGV's and PSVs as it makes them much harder to nick. It takes 10 or 15 minutes to get it running when needed, but if someone is attempting to steal it - it'll maybe give a bit of time for someone to notice what's going on.

 

Anyway.... the yardman is sent to start the vehicles in the morning, including the breakdwn wagon. It has a "fast idle" throttle (a housebrick that is placed on the throttle pedal). After starting it, he goes in the hut for his cup of tea. As the engine runs, the air presure builds up and the parking brake slowly releases because some numpty has drained the air, but not put the lever in the "on" position. The breakdown truck slowly rolls down the gentle hill and ends up in the pond ...

 

The earlier comment about refilling the oild without putting the bumg back in - I've done that too, The oil stian on mother's drive was still there 20 years later.

 

Kevin

Edited December 4, 2010 by kevinw

[stuart]

This may be an urban myth, but I heard it first hand from a bloke who had seen it happen.

 

Picture the scene - a commercial vehicle yard on a slight slope with a large pond at the end of the field. The company has a breakdown truck that has been built from an old 1970's bus. One of the first ones to have a spring parking brake (the spring keeps the brake on when you move the little lever and the air pulls the brake off).

 

Being an old bus, there isn't much security - no ignition key and no locks to the doors. So they secure it overnight by draining the air tanks whihc also applies the brakes solidly. Its a fairly common practce with HGV's and PSVs as it makes them much harder to nick. It takes 10 or 15 minutes to get it running when needed, but if someone is attempting to steal it - it'll maybe give a bit of time for someone to notice what's going on.

 

Anyway.... the yardman is sent to start the vehicles in the morning, including the breakdwn wagon. It has a "fast idle" throttle (a housebrick that is placed on the throttle pedal). After starting it, he goes in the hut for his cup of tea. As the engine runs, the air presure builds up and the parking brake slowly releases because some numpty has drained the air, but not put the lever in the "on" position. The breakdown truck slowly rolls down the gentle hill and ends up in the pond ...

 

The earlier comment about refilling the oild without putting the bumg back in - I've done that too, The oil stian on mother's drive was still there 20 years later.

 

Kevin

 

Not an urban myth but quite commonplace years ago, along with the old type artic trailers where you had a ratchet handle for the handbrake when uncoupling. I have seen a few of them disappear across yards when newbies have forgotten to wind them up and accidental engaging of tipping gear before going out on the road

Stuart.

[alan atkinson]

These are so heartening.

 

I dropped the bonnet onto the 4 barrel air cleaner bolt on the 8 (I was using a bolt until I could get some rod and a nut).

It wasn't tightened down so when the bonnet dropped it made the predictable dent, followed by the equally predictable cursing. Almost perfect hex dimple in there...

 

These make it all seem like amateur hour.

 

I'm so glad I'm not the only forgetful one around...

Edited December 4, 2010 by alan atkinson

[Chris59]

Me : about 30 years ago, trying do drain the engine oil of a Renault 5. On these fwd cars, the gearbox is at the front, the engine just behind. Yes, I drained the gearbox and fill the engine with new oil, with the old oil still inside.

 

A friend of mine : owner of a "dancing club" in the South of France, some of his cars were parked under the club.

One of these cars has "Lamborghini doors", the kind of doors who open verticaly.

He drove the car with the door open, but forgot that a concrete floor reinforcement of the dance floor, just upstair, is lower that the roof of the garage.

Hey presto, one door window + frame destroyed. The car had "Lambo doors" because it was a LP400 Countach ........

 

 

Chris.

Edited December 5, 2010 by Chris59

[RogerH]

Hi Guy,

thank you for starting this thread as it enabled me to come to a decision of great importance.

 

Last saturday was the London Group Christmas party and at this we give out the annual awards, one being the 'Dip Stick'

 

We had a clear winner for this up to a couple days prior to the day. One of the posts above contain some juicy evidence that went a long way to condeming the poor sausage and shooting him into first place.

 

Indeed, Ivor got the trusty award (with a nice smile for the photo) but not for doing all these disasters but admitting to them in public.

 

Be very careful what you print.

Vee are vatching

 

Roger

[Andy B]

Another oil related incident.

 

When I was 17 and had my first car I decided to top up the oil, but had somehow got it in my head that I needed to keep adding oil until I could see it through the filler cap ! I think it took my granddad (who luckily was a mechanic) all afternoon to sort out the engine and get it drained out.

 

At least 25 years later I now know how to add oil, if not much more.

[88V8]

Hi Guy,

thank you for starting this thread as it enabled me to come to a decision of great importance.

 

Last saturday was the London Group Christmas party and at this we give out the annual awards, one being the 'Dip Stick'

 

We had a clear winner for this up to a couple days prior to the day. One of the posts above contain some juicy evidence that went a long way to condeming the poor sausage and shooting him into first place.

 

Indeed, Ivor got the trusty award (with a nice smile for the photo) but not for doing all these disasters but admitting to them in public.

 

Be very careful what you print.

Vee are vatching

 

Roger

 

Hmmmph

Stitch up

And the worst part of it, being presented by someone who looks like this. You may imagine he's dressed up, don't think so...

 

Ivor

 

[PaulAnderson]

We booked a break in the Norfolk Broads in late April last year and decided to go on our first weeks holiday with the TR. In my wisdom on the morning of departure I'd thought it would be easier to load the boot with our holiday gear if the car was reversed up the drive. Forgetting that I'd never reversed the car in before for a reason, I promptly peeled off the skin and dinted the front stainless silencer box as it caught on the lowered security pole. It does not do this if driven in forwards because of the off set on the exhaust and approach. We had to go in the Ford and I ordered another front silencer box from the holiday cottage for fitting when we returned. Shame, the weather was lovely that week.

 

Paul